The Time Nathan Fillion Joined the Education Program and Some Other Men Invaded My Personal Space

Last night I dreamt that my education college was having a required end-of-the-year dinner for everyone who was completing the program. It took a while for me to find where the dinner was, and when I did walk in to the auditorium where it was held, I was almost hit in the face by a dancer or a juggler or something. I guess the dinner was on the stage in the auditorium, but something else was scheduled on the floor.

Anyway, I finally got there, and my favorite educational psychology professor was still setting up folding chairs around round tables. I helped her out. I was also glad to see that I was seated at her table because she's cool. I realized that most of the people at my table were extraordinary in some way—they'd won a scholarship or done a special self-directed project or something. I wondered why I'd been assigned to the table.

When it was time for the dinner to start, only half the people were there. I sat about a quarter of the way around the table from my favorite professor so that she could see me. Then this physics guy I know (name withheld) sat down on my right, and a guy who, in my dream, had been bugging me for dates sat to the right side of Physics Guy. Nathan Fillion, star of Castle, among other things, was seated to that guy's right. We started eating, and Physics Guy started leaning on his chair sideways so that only the left two feet of his chair were on the ground. Guess what he was leaning on? Me!

"Stop it," I said, pushing lightly at his shoulder. He just ignored me and kept telling some weird story over-loudly to the whole table. "Get off," I said, pushing harder. He anchored his right hand to the table to put more pressure on my shoulder. Luckily, Physics Guy always underestimates girls. "GET OFF ME!" I yelled, shoving him so hard that he fell into the other guy who liked me. I jumped up from the table as Physics Guy tried to rock back onto my shoulder. He had to catch himself.

Then I looked out at the table. Everyone had gone quiet and was just staring at me. Even the people at the ordinary table were quiet and staring at me. Physics Guy started saying something like, "On seven prior occasions, I have leaned on you without such violent repercussions." The other guy who liked me said something rude too. He was mad Physics Guy leaned on me when he couldn't.

"Get up," I ordered Physics Guy while waving him up with my hand. "Get up and move down. I'm not sitting by you again." He moved into my old seat. "You too," I said to the other guy. "Move down one so I don't have to sit by Physics Guy." Groaning, both guys moved. I plopped down next to Nathan Fillion. People eventually started their conversations back up.
"Sorry about that," I whispered to Nathan Fillion. "That was super embarrassing."

He smirked and whispered back, "Well, you're right. It was the most embarrassing thing that could ever happen. It was much worse than if you had fumbled a football during the final play of a game against our rivals in front of 25,000 people."

Now that really should have made very little sense to me, but I smiled, then giggled, then laughed outright. "You're right," I whispered back, "that's much worse!" Then our paper plates were there, already filled. In the top left corner was a small piece of yellow cake layered with cream and strawberry slices—eep, in the top right third was some mixed rice pilaf, and on the rest of the plate was something covered in gravy. I picked at the side of the rice pilaf that was farthest from the strawberries.

I was just about to whisper to Nathan Fillion, "So, what takes you to the education program? It can't be the money," though I was worried he'd hate me if I mentioned his celebrity at all, when a large arm came swinging toward my head and I had to duck. I looked to my left. The guy who liked me had been replaced (or at least made to move down so another chair could fit around the table) with a behemoth of a college football player in a burgundy and white jersey. The football player was talking with his hands, seemingly without noticing my presence. I had to duck twice more and once thrust myself into Nathan Fillion's personal space to avoid the beefy fists and even beefier elbows. Nathan Fillion was silently laughing at me. Then Football Player gestured with his fork, on which was a strawberry that fell off his fork and landed in the middle of my rice pilaf. I frowned and pushed my plate away.
"Ahem," I said to Football Player, "do you mind?" He didn't even turn to look at me. The next time his arms came around, I pushed the back of his hand around to his side with my flat palm. Football Player blinked down at me. "I know you're used to being king of your domain," I said, "but just for this dinner could you please pretend to be a girl and keep your arms and legs in your own little box?" I demonstrated by tucking in my elbows. Football Player turned away without reacting at all. He started talking to someone else, and his elbow was back in my face.

I fantasized about leaping out of my chair, throwing my napkin on my plate, and yelling, "This is what happens when you require people to attend a stupid dinner!" I was still getting up the courage when I woke up.