The Time I Realized I Don't Smoke

Things I've never tried.

Last night I dreamt I was talking about smoking with a woman who had just quit a pack-a-day habit. I told her that I know how addictive they are: I tried a cigarette once to test the theory that they relax asthmatic lungs. After that, I get a craving every month or two and smoke another one. "Does a pack-a-year habit even have negative health effects?" I asked her.

"Probably not," she said, "but how did you go to the temple yesterday [I actually did in waking life] if you smoke cigarettes every once in a while?"

At about this point, I realized I was dreaming, so I stopped talking the the imaginary lady and just had an argument with myself:

First-person me. Well, since I always mean to never smoke, I repent after each cigarette and I can go to the temple in between semimonthly cigarettes.
Third-person me. But you can't just kneel down and say, "Sorry, God, I won't do it again," with the Word of Wisdom! You have to confess to the bishop and stop taking the sacrament and stuff.
First. For just one cigarette?
Third. Yeah, the Word of Wisdom is included in the temple recommend interview. You have to report to the bishop when your status on those essential questions has changed. It's part of your temple covenants, remember?
First. But I just went to the temple yesterday! How did I go to the temple if I'm breaking the Word of Wisdom?
Third. Good question. Did you just lie to God?
First. No, I would never do that! Wait, maybe I don't smoke.
Third. Are you sure? I distinctly remember you smoking from time to time. I even remember the sour taste of an unlit cigarette in your mouth.
First. No, I couldn't have smoked because I've always been worthy in my temple recommend interviews. If I'm going to the temple, then I must not have that pack-a-year problem.
Third. Thinks hard over life memories. Oh, yeah, you don't! You don't have any real memories of smoking. I think you've just had dreams about smoking before, and your dream self's memories are your previous dreams, not your real life.
First. That makes sense. I've had dreams before when memories of previous dreams played a part in what happened. Maybe that's what's going on here. Even that taste is just what I imagine a cigarette tastes like based on the smell of tobacco and what I've read in thriller novels.
Third. Cool. I'm glad we cleared that up. You've never had a cigarette. I feel better about being you now.

And then I woke up very relieved.