My latest dream happened during my customary Sunday afternoon nap, and I dreamt about church. I was at church, but no one would talk to me except this brother who was dating a sister in the ward. (Everyone at church is called brother or sister; I'm not talking about a black guy right now and saying brother as a synonym for black. Actually, the brother in this particular dream was either white or Latino.) He and I were talking about something church-related, but he was sitting really close to me and leaning in. I felt uncomfortable because I knew his girlfriend, but I also enjoyed flirting with him because flirting is fun.
Then church ended, so we all left the building to walk to the parking garage that was several blocks from the church because the church was in a big city like Salt Lake City or Vancouver, BC, or something. I had lost one of my beige pumps, but then I decided I must have left it in my car. I started walking unevenly down the street in one shoe and one stocking-foot. Then the sky exploded with that crazy monsoon rain which we had yesterday. I didn't have a raincoat, so I was soaked. My shoeless foot was particularly wet. I could feel the wet concrete through my nylons every time I stepped on the ground. At one of the intersections, I ran into a metal bar that was about ankle-height, and it scraped my leg. So my nylons were torn, my leg was bleeding a little, I was soaking wet, the rain was so heavy I could barely see through it, and I only had one shoe. Some of the people from church passed me on the sidewalk and gave me funny looks, and I wanted to snap, "Yeah, I only have one shoe. What's your problem?!" but I didn't. (In real life, I'm trying to become less confrontational.) When I finally arrived at the parking garage, I had to crawl on my hands and knees, in true dream fashion, through a very tiny concrete opening to get to my car. When I got to my car, I realized that of course my other shoe couldn't possibly be in the car because, when I walked to the church that morning, I'd had on both shoes. Duh! I thought to myself, Why did you ever think the shoe would be in the car?! As I contemplated hobbling back through the rain to retrieve the shoe that I'd taken off during Relief Society in order to wiggle my toes for a few minutes, I woke up. It took me a few seconds to remind myself that I'd actually had both of my shoes on my feet when I came home from church.
The symbolism is pretty basic: People my age like to run around in pairs, but I'm running around by myself—I only have one shoe on, but I should have two. When I look for the matching shoe in the car when it's obviously in the Relief Society room, I'm looking for my match in the wrong place. Flirting with the man who already had a girlfriend is taking advantage of an opportunity to not risk a real relationship. What I learned from this dream, that is, the impression that I received when I woke up and thought about it, is that I really want a boyfriend for the first time in a few years. That's not necessarily a good thing because if I just want someone to make out with, hang out with on Friday nights, and canoodle with during Sunday School, I can find somebody. It means I'm willing to date someone who is not and never will be a suitable eternal companion just because I want some temporal companionship. That's how I did it before my mission, but now I'm too old for that. I need to get serious. On the other hand, my schoolwork always suffers when I date.
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