I'm so not over him.

Okay, so I just woke up from a dream that was too much like real life. That's weird in itself because usually I dream about video-game monsters and medieval knights and mermaids and being elected empress of the world or president of the United States and stuff.

In this dream, I was at my singles' ward, but the man I've had a crush on for years—whom I totally thought I was over, by the way—was there. It was so painful. I even told him I liked this university diving team just so he and I could roadtrip to one of the games/matches/meets/see, I don't even know what they call a diving competition. I was also trying to pick up my new Visiting Teaching route during the dream. Meanwhile, this guy had lost my email address again so I was trying to find a clean sticky note (my notepaper of choice during my mission) to write it down for him. Then he pointed out that he kept thinking my name was Tess, which is so embarrassing because it's not and he remembered all the pretty blondes' names. (That probably wasn't accurate. In real life, he is very good with names.) Still, I scrabbled in my purse for a sticky note that didn't have email addresses for me already written all over them, desperate for any scrap of time with him because just being near him while he waited for me to write down my email address made my heart flutter and my bones feel all tingly.

My alarm went off just as I found a clean scrap of paper, so then—this is so sad—I closed my eyes and imagined I had written down my email address and given it to him. It was like a prayer.

The worst part was when he came up behind me and put his hand on my shoulder—I thought, Yesssss!—to tell me we'd have to get up at three-thirty in the morning to start driving and get to the diving competition on time. That is the worst part because I am, as the English say, rubbish in the morning. I knew I would be groggy and whiny and completely put him off, but I couldn't help myself. If he were really in my ward and I really accidentally—in the heat of a hormonally overwhelmed moment—told him that I liked that diving team, it would all happen exactly like my dream.