This installment of Dream Watch: Teaching Dumb Blondes to Swim and Faking a Russian Accent

Early this morning, I dreamt that I was hired by a graying multimillionaire CEO to teach his twenty-year-old fiancée (a pretty and rather naïve model—not supermodel) to swim. He was in the process of molding her to become the perfect woman for him, and she had a fear—actually, she said, distrust—of water, so he took her to his favorite swimming spot with me to force her to get over it. His favorite swimming spot was this huge river delta with sapphire-blue water, lush green vegetation, and snow-capped mountains in the background. He would swim several yards, tell his fiancée to follow him, and she would, holding onto a rope attached to an emergency C-shaped foam thing. I was in charge of staying just behind the model so she had to do all the work but didn't drown. The model was really making a lot of progress: she told me she'd never seen the mountains so beautiful, and she was also very motivated to please her fiancé.
The problem was that the CEO got bored with our slow pace and swam off into one of the estuaries. (Actually, I'm not sure he was bored. He gave me this look, like he was attracted to me because of my intelligence and no-nonsense manner—sort of a Wallis Simpson thing—and he got freaked out and said, "I think I'd better stay away from you." The blonde did not notice.) Looking for him, we found two little kids who hung onto my rope and wouldn't let go. After getting rid of them, we got ourselves caught on this big white antenna thing in the middle of the river. That's about when the model, exhausted, decided we should give up and swim to shore and I woke up.

All this was after my dream, earlier last night, about trekking across some continent with a bunch of Russian refugees. (We all spoke in Russian accents, but mine was fake.) We kept stopping at these huge casinos for the night, and we'd lose all the men to drink. (Wow, my dreams are racist.) Only half of them ever woke up on time to move on with us in the morning. The barons of sin in the casinos were keeping the men from us. A small contingent and I returned surreptitiously to one casino to liberate our (except I was pretending to be Russian) countrymen. Then the dream restarted to the day we came to our first casino, and I scrambled to keep everyone safe.