The Time I Witnessed the End of the World, Disney-Style, and There Were Also Some First-Nation Christian Rafters

Last night I dreamt that my YSA ward went on a rafting trip. We all got on a bus with no windows (okay, maybe a submarine) and traveled forever and we needed our enhanced ID cards, so when we got out, I figured we were in Mexico.

The Mexican-looking guys who ran the rafting company didn't talk very much, but they only spoke accented English. They also talked about Bible stories a lot, assuming we were ignorant, so I got annoyed and gave a long discourse in Spanish about Sampson and Delilah. One of the guys just smiled pleasantly and asked me in English whether I had been saved yet. I nodded. He probably didn't believe me. Then we all climbed into borrowed swimsuits—of course, we had to change in the aisles of the little rafting store because I can never get any privacy in my dreams—and then we went rafting.

See? Really not Mexican!

I don't remember much about the actual rafting, but then we got back on the bus/submarine and traveled to the same place and I realized we were in Canada, not Mexico, on a reserve for one of the First Nations. I was majorly confused about how I had thought members of the First Nations were Mexican, and everyone was saying it was a simple mistake but I was thinking, They look nothing alike! Then I reminded myself that I was in a dream, so it was understandable that my brain would have just pulled up Mexican-looking people when I thought we were in Mexico. The guys who owned the rafting company handed us pamphlets about Jesus and gave us a lecture about reading the Bible every day, and then we got back in the swimsuits—my brain never misses a good awkward-changing scene—and rafted again.

Then everyone else decided to go out to eat, but I was feeling antisocial, so I said I'd take one more rafting run. Of course, that involved changing into a swimsuit in the middle of the super-Christian store again. I struggled and struggled, but then some super-Christian eleven-year-old boys were staring at me as I tried to keep my big 90s-style t-shirt pulled down over my behind while simultaneously pulling the wet black and red Speedo tank up my legs. I finally felt too embarrassed and gave up, reminding myself that I needed to buy a new swimsuit in real life—maybe red with white polka dots and a sweetheart neckline—once I woke up.

Then my real-life friend who is part First Nations, part white, and part Mexican was there and said she'd drive me back to where the rest of the ward was meeting up. Somehow we drove through Poulsbo. Now, I'm certain I've never really been to Poulsbo, but in my mind Poulsbo was a breadbasket—the Kansas of the PNW. There were a bunch of wheat fields and then the town was full of flour stores with the mark PBO. I wanted to buy something to support the local economy, but then I can't eat wheat, so I didn't.

Finally we joined up with the rest of the ward in what looked like the field behind an elementary school in the evening of a Bay-Area spring. My sister was there, saying everything was her fault because she's a werewolf. I was like, "No, it's not you—look over there!" We all looked up and saw a truly enormous moon on the horizon, as big as the moon was in the sky billions of years ago when it first formed. Suddenly it moved from the horizon to about 45° in about a second, staying just as huge.
"That's not the moon!" someone behind me called. "The moon's over here!" I turned around, and there hanging in the sky was one of those overly 3D Claymation moons from a pastiche of an old science fiction film. Then another overly round sphere with exaggerated craters moved around in the sky leaving a shiny spiral trail. I yelped, "An asteroid!" and grabbed this guy I know in real life. I was thinking about all the History and Science channel specials I've seen about how asteroid impacts would incinerate everyone in a massive global volcanic event.
"You can open your eyes," the guy said. "It's not going to actually hit us. We're in a Disney world right now, see?" I looked up and saw a hokey spaceship dancing with the asteroid.

"A Disney world?" I wondered. "But that doesn't make sense. Disney isn't real life." But then I reminded myself that I was dreaming after all, so I could be in whatever kind of world I wanted, and then I woke up.