How My Mom Trained My Dad to Buy Her Roses

1985

My mom: I like flowers.
My dad: Happy Valentine's Day! Here are some of the flowers I grow on the balcony of my bachelor pad so that when I'm socially obligated to give women flowers, I don't have to pay for them.

1990

My mom: I like when you buy me flowers.
My dad: Happy Mother's Day! Here is a carton of marigolds that I picked up at Home Depot. When you're done looking at them, I'll plant them next to the squash to repel bugs.

1995

My mom: I like when you buy me cut flowers.
My dad: Happy birthday! Here are some slightly wilted carnations that were by the door at Thrifty's when I stopped there on the way home from work. I also bought milk and tortilla chips.

2000

My mom: I like when you buy me pretty cut flowers.
My dad: Happy Mother's Day! I took my thirteen-year-old daughter with me to the Safeway floral department, and she said this bouquet of mixed flowers looked nice. She also thinks tight pink t-shirts that say Babe in glitter across the chest look nice.

2005

My mom: I like when you buy me pretty roses. And the rose bush we bought at the nursery last month doesn't count.
My dad: Happy Valentine's Day! Here are some peach roses from the Safeway floral department. They aren't even wilted.

2010

My mom: I want you to order me roses from a florist in advance. I want them delivered to my work on Valentine's Day. I want you to pay no less than fifty dollars.
My dad: Which local florist has coupons?