The Time I Tried to Cast Out an Evil Jane Lynch

  Last night I dreamt that my brother was some kind of mystical chosen one, which consequently made him the biggest target in the known universe. My parents didn't believe me though, so they sent him to summer camp anyway. The camp sent him back five days later because in those five days he'd been kidnapped or become inexplicably lost eight times and nearly been hit by meteors six times. I went to pick him up.
  Something evil messed with our car, so we were stuck in some small Oregonian town with dusk fast approaching. We stopped at this nice-looking woman's house, and she let us stay the night on her floor.
  We got inside just in time because once the sun went down, the house started to shake like it was in the middle of a whirlwind. Someone/thing knocked on the door every thirty seconds, and when the woman opened her door—but not the screen door—who/whatever it was tried to force a way into the house. A few times the evil spirit/witch did get inside, and I had to hold on to my brother tightly so they couldn't take him.
  It was so bad that we couldn't even leave the house. Once all the forces of evil knew where my brother was, they even attacked during the daytime. There was also this pool of milky water at the bottom of an old shower in the house. Every time I saw it, I thought, There's probably just hair in the drain, I should take it out, but something kept me from touching that water. Days went by, and the water level never changed.
  Anyway, a few days later, the woman who had taken us in needed a break, so she left the house for the night. (Let me tell you, just opening the door for her invited in a whole bunch of evil that we had to chase out.) We thought things had been bad before, but the banging and the screaming outside the house became ten times worse after she left.  Two witches showed up in the early evening, one looked like Jane Lynch and the other was a young white girl with dark hair. Jane Lynch was a shapeshifter, so she made herself look and sound like our mom and knocked on the back sliding door. My brother wanted his mom so bad that I had to hold him back as he screamed and hit me to keep him from opening the door. This went on for a while. I wanted to take us in the bathroom with no windows and doors so we wouldn't have to see this, but I was afraid that if I turned my back on the forces of evil for one second, they'd find a way in the house.
  Then a troupe of three more witches swooped down on glittery flying skateboards. They were dressed in flowing white outfits. Jane Lynch and her buddy disappeared when the new witches arrived. The leader of the new witches marched up to the sliding glass door and knocked. I ignored it, as I had been ignoring all of the knocking on that door. She knocked again, and I looked up and felt that she was good.
  Don't worry, even as I felt she was good I knew that that may be another evil illusion, but I was too exhausted not to trust her. I opened the door, and she motioned for my brother and I to step outside into the center of a triangle that she and her two fellow witches formed. I hesitated, and then behind me the woman who owned the house came and said to the good witches, "Can I help you?"
  My heart stopped cold. I pushed my brother out the door and followed him. "She's not home, she's not home!" I shrieked, pointing at the woman with my eyes wide.
  "What?" asked one of the good witches.
  "I cast thee out, witch!" I commanded, pointing at the witch who looked like the nice woman who took us in. She changed back into Jane Lynch, and she bared her pointy teeth and growled at me.
  "I . . . I cast thee out, witch!" I stuttered, pointing at her.
  She backed up a little, and her evil-witch-in-training appeared beside her.
  "I cast thee out, witch!" I said, pointing to the younger evil witch. An invisible force shot her back against the tall, wooden backyard fence. "I cast thee out, witch!" I told Jane Lynch, pointing at her. She also shot back against the fence.
  "Let's go inside," said the leader of the good witches. She led my brother and I back into the house. We watched from the sliding glass door as the other two good witches flew back on their flying skateboards and then shot them straight through Jane Lynch and the other evil witch. The evil witches evaporated, which made me think they had just dematerialized rather than died.
  The two good witches joined us in the house, and I explained how unsafe I felt even inside. I wanted them to take my brother and I home with them, but I didn't want to ask. I showed the leader of the good witches the mysterious pool of murky water and told her about not wanting to touch it. She said I had a special ability for discerning good from evil. Even as she said that, I thought, That's just what she'd say if she were really evil but trying to convince me that the good glamor she has on is real. And then I woke up.

This is all the perfect foundation for a YA novel, isn't it?