28 September 2009

The Most Misused Shakespeare Quote Ever

“If music be the food of love, play on;”—Count Orsino, Twelfth Night, 1.1.1


They love to put that on t-shirts and stuff to prove Shakespeare loved music, blah, blah, blah, but they leave out the second part of the count’s sentence: “give me an excess of it, that, by surfeiting the appetite may sicken, and so die.”

What a love-sick Count Orsino is actually saying is that he wants to listen to “She’s Out of My Life” so many times that he gets sick of it and stops obsessing over Countess Olivia. That’s not exactly what’s implied when you take the first half of the sentence by itself. Furthermore, Orsino is talking, not Shakespeare. People are making Shakespeare say something he never meant. It’s kind of like when people quote Robert Frost writing, “Good fences make good neighbors,” and act like he meant it, when actually it’s a proverb that Frost disparaged in “Mending Wall”. So do people think that Shakespeare thought being rich was a sin just because in King John, Philip the Bastard says, “Well, whiles I am a beggar, I will rail and say there is no sin but to be rich” (2.6.593–94)? Of course not! That conclusion would be just as silly.

20 September 2009

Stop naming your children after yeast infections!

Facebook just recommended that I befriend a girl named Candida. Candida. Seriously.

16 September 2009

The Best Picture Ever Taken


This was posted on My Life is Mormon. It just tickles me to pieces.

09 September 2009

And now, wondering why I cared so much.


People flit across your life like images on a television screen.
They light it up with different shapes and colors and motions,
but then they’re replaced.
In the end the screen is the same black rectangle it always was,
nor will anyone ever know what has danced upon it.
Not a ghost remains.
Once I was enthralled and moved and fascinated by you,
spent sleepless summer nights wondering how you were and whether you would call,
yet I have gone months and months without once thinking of you.
Yesterday someone reminded me of your existence,
and I only felt puzzled.
I’ll probably forget your name soon.

01 September 2009

Hmm, what's new? My hair is falling out.